I wish that Santa would deliver the following items: A hairbrush for Phil Spector. Sunglasses for the Runaway Bride. A trip to heaven for Randall Terry. A medical refresher course for Bill Frist. Viagra for Michael Douglas. Rehab for Bill O'Reilly's incurable conservatism. A high-quality love doll for Bill Clinton (preferably, HUSTLER-brand). A liberal for the Supreme Court. An IQ for Paris Hilton. An honest job for Scott McClellan. A spine for Tony Blair. A book on self-assertiveness for Alan Colmes. An anger management course for John Bolton. Training wheels for George W. Bush. Michael Jackson's greatest hits for prosecutor Tom Sneddon. A Jeff Stryker doll for Karl Rove. A sandwich for Lindsay Lohan. A ball gag for Tom Cruise. A scapegoat for Arnold Schwarzenegger. The book Ethics for Dummies for Tom DeLay. A do-it- yourself OxyContin lab for Rush Limbaugh. A bottle of single-malt scotch for Pat O'Brien.

Happy holidays, everyone!

Larry Flynt
Publisher,
HUSTLER Magazine